No Mercy is Electrifying!

The beloved chairman of the board kicked off this pay-per-view with a statement about John Cena's injury which took him out of action. Due to this accident, the WWE Championship was vacated and up for grabs. Mr. McMahon guarantees that by the end of the night there will be a new champ and that he will give the people what they want. Well I have to say that Mr. McMahon blew my mind when he gave the title to Randy Orton, literally! Orton comes out looking absolutely victorious and is very proud of his "accomplishment". The Raw general manager William Regal then makes Randy Orton's night even better, by telling Randy that he will defend his title that night and that Orton will get to choose his challenger! Now what kind of crap is that? Talk about favoritism. Sure Randy Orton has been gunning for a title shot for awhile, but he keeps coming up short. I can't believe they just handed the title over to him for lack of a better plan on such short notice. Wow!

 

Just as I was beginning to feel really disappointed, out came the answer to my prayers. Triple H wasn't about to let Mr. Orton off the hook that easy either. He came to the ring to simply offer his congratulations on Randy's recent acquisition. It was all in good sportsmanship, really! Triple H presents Randy Orton with the opportunity to fight him for the title at No Mercy. Of course Randy Orton blatantly refuses. Mr. McMahon has to add his two cents worth in as well and that's when Triple H's attention goes to the chairman of the board.

 

Triple H begins the demeaning process in order to get Vince to buckle and give him a title shot. He calls Mr. McMahon things like, "spineless, gutless, coward" and then follows up with saying that "Mr. McMahon has no balls!" The one thing you never want to say to the face of Vincent Kennedy McMahon is that he has no balls. The chairman starts to get offended, you can see the hatred in his eyes as Triple H continues his barrage of insults. The final straw is when Triple H says that "Under that $5000 suit isn't a puffed up man, but a shriveled up old man!" He then follows that insult up with, "and under that $500 alligator skin belt isn't a huge pair of grapefruits, but two shriveled up pair of raisins!" Now he's gone too far, he insulted the grapefruits! All gloves were off at that point and Mr. McMahon gave the audience and fans at home (and Triple H) what they wanted, the match of Randy Orton vs. Triple H for the WWE Championship would commence immediately! The look on Randy Orton's face was priceless when he realized that Vince wasn't kidding. He looked like a kicked puppy for a split second, it was classic!

 

The match was on and it was a pretty good fight, but Randy obviously wasn't quite prepared to take on the cerebral assassin because he just couldn't get a leg up on Triple H. Thirty minutes after being awarded the WWE Championship, Randy Orton lost it to Triple H. I think that may have been the shortest title reign ever! Triple H is victorious and Randy Orton leaves the ring in utter shock at his shortcomings.

 

There is a "bonus" match made that evening that would give us some tag team action. It was a six man tag team match with Jeff Hardy, Paul London and Brian Kendrick vs. Lance Cade, Trevor Murdock and Mr. Kennedy. This match was high flying and intense but in the end Paul London just couldn't keep from getting pinned and despite the effort of his partner Brian Kendrick, the team of Cade, Murdock and Mr. Kennedy is victorious. I fully expect to see a rematch on Monday Night Raw!

 

Backstage Mr. McMahon finds Triple H and informs him that since he always "gives the people what they want", that Triple H's match with Umaga will still happen and it will be for the WWE Championship. Man Vince really hates Triple H.

 

The ECW championship is being defended next. CM Punk has wrestled his ass of the past few months to get this prestigious honor of being the champ. He had to go through the previous champ John Morrison and there was no love between those two men. Tonight thought CM Punk's challenger is the absolutely huge Big Daddy V. This man is almost 500 pounds and it's not muscle. He's fat, plain and simple and someone that fat should really wear a shirt. The match commences and all I can think is "I hope Punk has a harpoon for the whale!" Well Matt Striker interrupts the match and causes a disqualification for outside interference. CM Punk retains his title but the match isn't over yet. Big Daddy V is pissed and he's taking it out on the man in the ring with him. He obliterates Punk and leaves Punk in a bad way. By the end of the barrage of kicks and knees to the sternum and ribcage, Punk is bleeding from the mouth and having to be half carried out of the ring, but he remains the champ!

 

There are some things that go deeper than wrestling. The competitive nature of both MVP and Matt Hardy is one of these things. The past few weeks have been a show of physical, mental and emotional machismo between these two men. They are the Smackdown tag team champions, but MVP is also the United States Champion. Could Matt Hardy secretly be gunning for that belt? Tonight's challenge will be one that only a real man could stomach. It will be a Chicago style pizza eating contest. Tazz is our announcer for this unique match up and the lovely Maria and Melina are the guest judges keeping track of how much pizza these guys consume. The two challengers come down to the ring. MVP is all mouth and talks a line of smack a mile long. Finally Tazz gets the two men to sit down and start the "competition". Matt Hardy is going to town on that Pizza while MVP looks absolutely ill to have to eat such "garbage". In the end of course Matt Hardy is victorious with two pieces consumed, MVP didn't even get one! Matt Hardy added insult to injury when he threw up on MVP. MVP turned a shade of green that I didn't know a black man could turn and Matt Hardy once again left victorious. (yuck!)

 

Triple H comes out for his second match of the night looking ready for a fight. Can the King of Kings withstand the devastation of the Samoan Bulldozer? Umaga is dominant at the beginning of the match and Triple H's chances don't look good. Triple H pulls out all the stops and lands a huge Pedigree on Umaga to retain his title. Once again Triple H proves why he is the King of Kings, no obstacle is too great!

 

The next match is the first time ever Punjabi Prison match between Batista Smackdown's champion against the Punjabi giant himself The Great Khali. For those of you who have no idea what a Punjabi Prison match is I'll explain it to you. There are two steel re-enforced bamboo cages involved. The inner cage is 16ft high and has four doors in it. The outer cage is 20ft high with no way to escape other than by climbing over it. These two cages are lowered over the ring and the object is to get one of the doors of the inner cage opened so you can get out. You will have 60 seconds to escape once the door is opened, if you do not, the door is locked and cannot be reopened for the remainder of the match. Wow this is definitely going to be an intense match up. They will have to escape both cages to be victorious! So the challenges come to the ring and the match is on. There are no disqualifications, no count-outs, no submissions and no pin-falls. The only way to win is to escape the Punjabi Prison. The Great Khali dominates Batista and begins his climb out because all 4 doors were opened and not escaped through. I totally thought that Khali had this match won. Batista reached down deep and channeled his inner spider climbing abilities and cleared both cages just before Khali did to retain his title. I was pleasantly surprised. I'm sure that this rivalry is far from over, but for the time being Batista is still the Smackdown Champion!

 

Irish Pride vs. Luchador honor. It's Finlay vs. Rey Mysterio. Rey Mysterio just recently made him comeback debut from an injury and he has been red hot ever since. When you see this match up you would think that Mysterio has it in the bag because he is quick, limber and has a barrage of high flying maneuvers that devastate any opponents. Finlay is taking it to Mysterio at the beginning of this match, he's relentless on his punching and kicking. The referee actually has to assert his authority on Finlay and reprimand him for bringing a weapon into the ring. Mysterio avoids being hit with the dreaded shalleighly and capitalizes on this opportunity to fight back. Rey knocks Finlay out of the ring and it appears that the Irishman is hurt. His head bounced off that mat on the floor like a super ball. It was not pretty. Mysterio feels horrible for hurting Finlay. Finlay is loaded up on a stretcher by medical officials and put into a neck brace. Just as they were taking him out of the arena as they got to the exit ramp, Finlay jumped off the stretcher and begins accosting Mysterio yet again. He faked the injury to give himself an advantage. There was no defined winner of this match up, but Mysterio was caught off guard with this last attack and appears to be hurting because of it. I'm sure that this will be rectified on Friday Night Smackdown.

 

Once again we go to our beloved chairman who is antagonizing Triple H yet again. Reassuring Triple H that he is only doing this because it's what the people want, Mr. McMahon let's Triple H know that Randy Orton has cashed in on his automatic rematch clause. Triple H will fight Randy Orton tonight in a last man standing match for the WWE Championship! Vince is obviously not going to stop until Triple H is either dead or no longer champion.

 

The Women's Championship is being defended by the beautiful Candace Michelle against The Glamazon Beth Phoenix. Can the playboy bunny defeat the Glamazon? I have to admit that when Beth Phoenix first came into Raw that I was not all that impressed with her attitude. I do have to have respect for the fact that out of all the other women in the locker room recently she is actually built for wrestling. She's not a skinny little waif and she has the best of both worlds with strength and beauty. I can relate to her fighting style and ability because I am built very similarly to her (she has a bigger chest of course!). It's good to see a real woman in the ring, not just some beautiful super model. Not since the days of Chyna, Trish Stratus and Lita have I seen such a great display of ability and beauty! Beth Phoenix gets the win over Candace Michelle and announces that the Glamazon Era has begun!

 

As Triple H enters the ring for his third match of the night, he is far from 100%. His ribs are injured from the barrage of attacks from his match up with Umaga and he's already fought Randy Orton once tonight. Randy Orton comes to the ring proud of his ability to get his shot at regaining the title. As these two face off you can feel the absolute animosity and hatred between them. They lock up and it's all or nothing. Orton impresses me once again with his vertical leap ability. There are no rules in a last man standing match, the way you win is to incapacitate your opponent to the point that they can not make it to their feet by a ten count. These two are absolutely killing each other in the ring. It's amazing to see the carnage of these two rivals. Orton resorts to using television cables to choke out Triple H at one point, but Triple H makes it to his feet. What will these two men do for gold? Orton goes through an announcer's table and his arm is injured, but he fights on. Tables should never be used as slip-n-slides. Orton takes steel steps to the face and I'm certain that that will be the deciding factor of who wins. He makes it to his feet. The two continue their mutilation in the ring and Orton gets a huge DDT on Triple H. Triple H's face bouncing off a steel chair at that point. As Triple H's face becomes a crimson mask of rage he begins knocking the crap out of Orton again. They end up outside the ring yet again and Orton tries to capitalize by trying to give Triple H the steel steps in his face, this fails. Orton falls and gets a chair shot to his head instead. Triple H finally gets the low blow from Orton and is taken up on the announcer's table that hasn't already been destroyed. Orton delivers a huge RKO on the table to Triple H and gets back into the ring. Triple H tries his damndest but he cannot make it to his feet by the 10 count. Holy crap, Orton wins the championship! He lost it in the first 30 minutes of the show, only to regain it two hours later. I have to say I was impressed by this match up and I hope to see more of it in the future.

 

I'm sure that all the rivalries displayed at No Mercy will be rectified on their various brands this week. Raw, ECW and Smackdown should all be smoking hot coming off of this absolutely electrifying pay per view! Thank you World Wrestling Entertainment for yet another fantastic night of entertainment!