Monday Night Damn!

Monday night Raw started off with every ones favorite boss Mr. McMahon coming out and saying a few kind words about his match that evening with Triple H. In order to send a very serious message to the cerebral assassin Mr. McMahon had three men in the ring who were "masters" of their chosen fighting style. Then he called out the Samoan Bulldozer Umaga to take on these three men in a handicap match in order to prove to Triple H just who the better competitor was. Well the match began and naturally Umaga was dominant and very much like a bulldozer that night. He obliterated his opponents easily enough and the message was sent. Triple H I'm sure was shaking in his boots at that very moment, (hardly).

Jeff Hardy had a tag team match that night partnered up with the high flying duo of Paul London and Brian Kendrick. These three extreme dudes were taking on Shelton Benjamin and the Tag Team champions Lance Cade and Trevor Murdock. These six men were certainly going to give the fans something to talk about. It was a high flying speed match with Jeff Hardy's team going to town on the Tag Team champs and Benjamin. Using the ability of speed and high flying maneuvers that I don't recommend anyone try to duplicate at home, Jeff Hardy and his partner's made quick work of their opponents. If any of the WWE staff is reading this, I would love to see more teaming of Jeff Hardy, Paul London and Brian Kendrick!

Smiles all around and welcome back to the Raw General Manager William Regal. Mr. McMahon said that since Jonathan Coachman was out sick this week that Mr. Regal would have some very big responsibilities to deal with on his own. His first and most important responsibility, to take care of the cutest McMahon Hornswaggle for the evening while Daddy McMahon had his match. Regal agrees to do so and after Vince walks out, Regal loses Hornswaggle. He looks high and low in the office and that little bugger just vanished! I know one thing, Mr. Regal isn't watching my son any time soon!

J.R. and King went via satellite with Randy Orton who had a few choice words for his favorite person John Cena. Randy was in Chicago Illinois talking all kinds of crap about our champ and about how he loved beating up John's father Mr. Cena. When asked as to why he wasn't at the arena that night he simply stated, "It's not to my advantage to be there." He is looking forward to settling his score with John Cena no matter what!

Right before the commercial break the Highlander's were seen and had something to say to all those listening. They are gunning for the Tag Team championship and no one is going to stop them! Could this be the start of something interesting? I did notice that they are sporting new kilts. Black with a gold and black tartan wrap. Interesting could the Scottish underdogs become the team to fear? Only time will tell.

Wrestlers are mostly known for their charisma, their physique, or their moves in the ring. Would it surprise you to know that some of these folks are educated and have college degrees in various subjects? Well just because you are a superstar doesn't mean you have to be super dumb, except in the case of Cody Rhodes. Apparently the young Rhodes didn't get enough of a stompin last week from Hardcore Holly, so he challenged Holly to a rematch. Rhodes must really feel he's got something to prove. Well just like last week, this was not his time to earn Hardcore Holly's respect. He lost the match in a very big way and was looking up at Holly from his back. Not a very respectful position there Cody. For the second week in a row Holly left the squared circle disappointed.

The women don't get much t.v time on Raw as of late, well this was remedied tonight. Beth Phoenix came out and had a favor to ask of Lillian Garcia. She asked if Lillian would announce her as the "new women's champion". Lillian humored the glamazon and made the announcement but followed it up with "if you can beat Candice Michelle at No Mercy." Well that's all it took to knock the glamazon off her high horse and start a fight. She attacked Lillian by backing her into a corner and chocking her. Well the WWE Women's Champion wasn't going to stand for that so Candice Michelle ran out to defend the battered Lillian. Beth left the ring in a huff certain that the gold is going to be hers come Sunday night!


Finally the match that I had been waiting for all night began. Mr. McMahon came down the ramp like he owned the place (well guess he sorta does). Triple H made his usual entrance and was rudely interrupted by Mr. McMahon he demanded an end to the "showboating". Personally I think Vince is just jealous of Triple H's awesome intro. Mr. McMahon starts calling for a referee to come ringside so they can "get it on". It takes a moment, but out comes the referee none other than Carlito. Now where is going to be fair in this match? Triple H's chances at an honest match just went out the door if there every was a chance of that to begin with. The beginning of the match is like a cat and mouse game with Triple H and Mr. McMahon. It's totally silly. Then they get down to business. Triple H gets Mr. McMahon and starts to actually wrestle when Carlito has to interfere. Carlito ends up giving Triple H a huge backstabber and knocks the wind out of the game for a moment. Triple H doesn't let it keep him down and he sets of Vince for a Pedigree when Carlito calls for the bell for roughing the ref. Triple H is disqualified and once again Mr. McMahon steals a victory from the King of Kings.

The match doesn't end there though, of course. Out stomp Umaga like someone just killed his pet puppy and that person looks a lot like Triple H. The exchange blows and Triple H lands a thunderous DDT on the Samoan Bulldozer. Well this was about as effective as a slap in the face and Umaga gets right back up. (What?) Just as the Game is getting his licks in on Umaga, Carlito has to go and get involved yet again. Triple H gets taken out of the ring over the top rope by Carlito, who thinks he's done a good deed. In reality all he did was put Triple H closer to his sledgehammer, which he wields and starts to get back into the ring. Umaga thinks better of another showdown and leaves the ring with the Chairman at his side. Game Over!

Just when I thought that I could get through an entire episode with having to hear the rantings of Santino Marella, here he comes with the only thing he's got going for him, the beautiful Maria. He is doing his version of "At the movies" and his choice flick to rate this week is The Condemned starring Stone Cold Steve Austin. Santino has nothing nice to say about the movie and actually calls it "pathetic". Maria doesn't agree with his opinion and says that she liked the movie. Santino says that if he were in the role of Jack Conrad instead of Steve Austin that the movie would have been so much better. (Hardly). About that time out comes Val Venis to give Santino something else to talk about other than himself. Insults are traded and the fight is quickly on. Santino takes out Val Venis' knee and escapes the ring dragging Maria along with him. Val tries to get up and thinks better of it.

Could it be more screen time for the women tonight? Why it sure is. Melina is matched against Mickie James former WWE Women's Champion. The match is a total cat fight with some impressive counters and moves from Mickie James. Then Melina is distracted by her new boyfriend Hornswaggle, who was hiding under the ring waiting for his time to spring into action. Mickie James gets the win due to the little distraction and leaves the ring proud of her accomplishment. Melina and Hornswaggle get into a tiff and she chases him under the ring. (Again not the most brilliant wrestler in the locker room). Well Hornswaggle being a sneaky little devil, manages somehow to get the shirt right off Melina's back. (And her pants too!) She's left under the ring wearing??(insert your fantasy here) Hornswaggle exits very proud of his tokens.

The first time ever match up of John Cena and Mr. Kennedy is the main event of the evening. The match starts off great with a fantastic vertical leap over Mr. Kennedy by Cena. That man got great height on that one. The crowd is totally into this match up with chants of "Kennedy" and "Cena" reverberating off the rafters. Cena lands the STFU and wins the match after an incredible fist fight. Just as he thought it was just another victory to attribute to the chain gang fans all over the world, out runs Randy Orton at full speed. (Holy crap all the way from Chicago too, man that's dedication!) Orton lands his RKO on Cena and the devastation begins. Cena takes the steel ring steps to the chest and head which knocks him out. Orton then dismantles the announcer's table and sets up Cena for another RKO on the table. Orton has done lost his friggin mind tonight. Is he trying to kill the champ or just get his belt? Well Orton leaves with a smug look in his eye and Cena looks really hurt. Is the champ going to be able to compete at No Mercy after this brutal attack from the Legend Killer, or was he just the most recent victim? More to come in my next installment of Fantastic Entertainment.