Monday, January 14, 2008

Balloons, fireworks, midgets and sweet revenge!

Jeff Hardy kicks off Monday night Raw in a huge way! He is the number one contender for the WWE championship. After what Randy Orton did to Jeff's older brother Matt Hardy, I'm sure that Orton's days as champ are numbered. Jeff makes his statement to the raucous crowd. He is excited about his chance to become the next WWE champion at the Royal Rumble which is less than two weeks away. Jeff promises to take Orton out tonight. He calls him out and says Orton can either come out NOW, or he'll come backstage and find him. To my surprise Orton comes out to say his piece on it. "You want me that bad, you got it, but...." Orton states his condition. His proposition is this, at the Royal Rumble the WWE title will be on the line, but tonight, the Intercontinental title will be on the line. Randy wants to be the third person to hold both the WWE championship and the Intercontinental title, so the war is on. (The other two men are the Ultimate Warrior and Triple H.) Jeff says, "done!" He's not afraid of the champ and he welcomes the opportunity to take Randy Orton out of the picture tonight. This is going to be brutal!

Ashley makes her beautiful way to the ring for a six diva tag team match up. Her tag team partners will be Maria and Mickie James. They take on the team of Melina, Jillian and Beth Phoenix. Can the Glamazon be stopped or will she continue to retain her title indefinitely? Ashley and Jillian start this match off and it's not pretty for Jillian. Melina gets the tag and she goes to work on Ashley. Ashley tags her partner Maria and she goes to work on Melina. Melina tags Beth Phoenix and Maria could be in trouble here. Maria manages to kick out of a three count and tags her partner Mickie James. In her bright yellow outfit which looks really good on her by the way, she is taking it to her diva opponents. Eventually all the girls get in the ring and quickly clear it out for Beth and Mickie to continue. Mickie gets caught up in the top rope under her chin and Beth capitalizes and gets the three count winning it for her team. I'm sure this isn't the last we'll see of diva competition in the coming weeks!

William Regal and Mr. McMahon are in the back talking about Regal's match with Ric Flair tonight. Snitsky interrupts the two men and he demands his chance to make an impact. Vince makes a match tonight between Snitsky and Triple H tonight, so Snitsky can make his much desired "impact". This should go over well.

A Royal Rumble qualifying match. Shawn Michaels comes out very unhappy that he has to qualify for a Rumble match. He may not have won last year but he came in second to the Undertaker. That was a great match and both men put their hearts into it no doubt. Shawn is interrupted by Trevor Murdock who makes his way to the ring for his qualifying match against HBK. Shawn did mention that he wanted to take on Mr. Kennedy tonight in the qualifying match, I don't think he really wanted to take on the redneck of the WWE. Murdock isn't about wrestling tonight, he's more into beating Shawn to death. He's brutally attacking the showstopper, but Michaels retaliates quickly. HBK fights back and he's showing some authority in the squared circle. A nice inverted atomic drop by Michaels gets him an advantage. HBK tunes up the band and Murdock narrowly escapes sweet chin music. Shawn then quickly gets him into a figure four leg lock and Murdock taps likes a little girl. HBK is now officially qualified for the Rumble. Mr. Kennedy comes onto the Titan Tron to say that Shawn has a huge ego, and that Shawn can't handle the fact that he was defeated by Mr. Kennedy. Kennedy doesn't feel he has anything left to prove to anyone, but he accepts Shawn's challenge to face him next week on Raw, but this is Shawn's last chance at the present and future of sports entertainment! Murdock gets up and tries to sneak up behind Michaels, but Shawn gets the sweet chin music on him, obviously not that distracted by Mr. Kennedy's speech.

Mr. McMahon is backstage with his son Hornswaggle. He says he's very proud of him. It'll be Hornswaggle's first Royal Rumble match. Mr. McMahon wants to give Hornswaggle some practice at how to rumble tonight, so he's going to invite some of the superstars to fight Hornswaggle tonight in a Royal Rumble practice match. Poor little Hornswaggle. He always looks so upset when Vince talks to him. Out of nowhere Vince grabs Hornswaggle by the throat and tells him "You last name is McMahon and anything can happen, don't you forget it!" I hope Hornswaggle beats every last man in that ring tonight!

Triple H makes his way to the ring for his match against Snitsky. (Have I mentioned how much I love Triple H?) It's like polar opposites in the ring, extreme hotness and extreme ugly. These two men kick this match off and Triple H is throwing fists right off the bat. It didn't seem to bother Snitsky at all and he takes Triple H to the corner and the beating begins. The Game doesn't stand for that long and he begins a brutal exchange. I love the commentary between JR and King about how ugly Snitsky is and how his teeth as so yellow they stop traffic. Dang! Snitsky gets a big boot to the face of the Cerebral Assassin. Snitsky begins the barrage of kicks and hits on Triple H who is once again caught in the corner. Snitsky follows this with a few head thrusts to Triple H's abs. Snitsky goes for a cover but the Game kicks out of it. Snitsky is manhandling Triple H at this point in the match and I'm getting quite irritated. I hate it when Triple H gets beat on. Snitsky catches Triple H in midair as Triple H tries to get a running start on Snitsky, and Snitsky applies a huge bear hold on the Game. Triple H is down to one knee and Snitsky is still holding that bear hold. Triple H powers out of the hold finally only to be set up for a pump handle slam. Triple H counters that and gets a huge DDT on the king of ugly. A face buster from the Game and then the set up for a pedigree gets Triple H tossed out of the ring right in front of the announcers table. Snitsky picks up Triple H and tosses him into the steel steps like he weighed zero. Snitsky picks up the second set of steel steps, but Triple H gets up and grabs a chair and slams it into Snitsky causing the match to be called on account of disqualification. Triple H gets the sledgehammer and he gives it to Snitsky right in the abdomen. A huge pedigree follows that maneuver like punctuation at the end of a very strong sentence. Don't mess with the best unless you want to go down hard and fast. Good job Triple H!

Triple H is interrupted by Vince as he leaves the ring. Vince is on the Titan Tron telling Triple H to calm down or else. He's become too violent since he lost his spot at the Royal Rumble. Triple H takes the sledge and destroys the Titan Tron and leaves it in a smoking sparking heap. I guess Vince has his answer to that suggestion! Vince meets Triple H backstage to continue to insult. In order to calm down Triple H, Vince gives him back his spot in the Royal Rumble as long as he wins his match next week. What this match is, is left unsaid but I'm sure it's not going to be a fair one if Mr. McMahon has anything to do with it.

JBL comes out in his Moo Mobile for yet another night on Raw. Didn't he learn his lesson a couple of weeks ago when Jericho kicked the crap out of him on Raw? I guess not! The ring is filled with red and black balloons it looks like a gothic birthday party gone wrong! He stands in the ring and makes a statement about what he really thinks of Chris Jericho. After the brutal attack on Jericho last week by JBL, JBL's ego is even bigger than it was before. (If that is even possible)! JBL tells Jericho's kids that he's so much better than Jericho and that Jericho is a coward! (I didn't know Jericho had kids!) Man JBL is laying it on thick and I swear I hate him more now than I did before tonight. What a jerk! I hope Jericho comes back and wipes the floor with that self proclaimed tycoon! Jericho is at home tonight suffering a bruised larynx due to the brutal attack on him last week on Raw at the hands of this man JBL.

Hornswaggle comes out for his mini Royal Rumble practice match. His first opponent will be Mr. Kennedy. Wow, it's a little Mr. Kennedy. It's the half pint Kennedy. He can't even reach the microphone because he's so little. LOL! This is hilarious. It's midget wrestling at it's best. Mini Kennedy is really taking it to Hornswaggle. The next man in the ring is a little tiny Mankind. Kennedy takes it to Mankind. I can't even type I'm laughing so hard. Mankind brings out a little socko and tries to get Hornswaggle with it, but Hornswaggle stops it. Hornswaggle tosses the Mr. Kennedy mini over the top rope. Out comes a mini Batista who immediately spears Hornswaggle. Hornswaggle fights back and isn't out of the count just yet. A little mini Kane comes out and boy he looks angry. Kane goes to work on Batista and Hornswaggle. A tiny Batista bomb on Kane gets Kane on the mat. Hornswaggle tosses out Batista and Kane sits up looking ready to brawl. Kane sets up for the choke slam but can't seem to lift Hornswaggle. Hornswaggle tosses out Kane. The Batista mini takes Hornswaggle down and out comes the real Great Khali. In all his huge splendor. Out comes Finlay to defend the little McMahon and he's all over Khali like a bad habit. He gets back into the ring and takes out Khali's handler too. Khali is left backing out of the arena in shock as his handler is tossed out after him. Hornswaggle gets into the ring and celebrates with his defender.

Finlay gets a hold of Mr. McMahon backstage and he threatens him. Apparently him and Vince have some sort of "deal" concerning Hornswaggle. Vince tells Finlay to go take care of his business with Khali on Smackdown, and that he had nothing to do with Khali coming out tonight to go after Hornswaggle. Interesting, very interesting!

Ric Flair makes his way to the ring for yet another career ending match against none other than the Raw general manager William Regal. It's a war of the robes here tonight folks and I think that Ric Flair has it won hands down in that department. (I can't believe that there is still smoke in the ring from JBL's exit fireworks, dang that man needs to learn moderation). Will the Nature Boy be able to capitalize again this week to retain his glorious career? Regal is dominating this match from the get go. Regal is going for the obviously injured knee of Flair (it's taped). Flair fights back and gets out of the ring to wrap Regal's leg right around that ring post. These two men battle back and forth and Flair gets the figure 4 leg lock on Regal. Regal gets to the ropes. Regal gets Flair in a roll up but the ref sees that Regal has a handful of tights. So while the ref is talking to Regal, Flair rolls Regal up and gets a handful of tights himself. This time the ref doesn't catch it and Flair wins it, retaining his career! Never underestimate the dirtiest player in the game, he just might surprise you!

Randy Orton comes out for his match against Jeff Hardy for the Intercontinental Championship. He seems to think he stands a chance in hell, well he is sadly mistaken. Jeff is going to bring hell to the champ and make him wish he'd never laid hands on the elder Hardy brother Matt. Jeff doesn't waste anytime running into the ring, and Orton delivers a deliberate low blow to Jeff Hardy. The match is called for a DQ and Orton has something else planned. He tosses Jeff out of the ring and begins to pull up the black mat outside of the ring. Exposed concrete is seen. Orton gets Hardy up off the ground and Hardy fights back just in time. It's a street fight on the ramp tonight. Jeff goes face first into the metal structure at the top of the ramp. Orton continues to brutalize Jeff. Orton runs back and runs at Jeff but Jeff back drops him right off the stage onto his back on the concrete floor. Orton appears to be out cold. Hardy isn't done just yet, he climbs some scaffolding that is close by and he's going way up top this time. Refs try to talk him down, but Jeff aint having none of that. He goes even higher on the scaffold to the second beam from the top. He does a huge swanton bomb off of it and takes himself out as well but Randy Orton isn't going to be fighting anytime soon. EMT's are on the scene and trying to get both men out of the arena. Randy is breathing and has a slight pulse. No word on Jeff just yet. As Jeff is being wheeled out of the arena on a stretcher his puts his arm up to show his fans that he's still ok. I love my rainbow haired warrior, but I about stopped breathing when he took that leap off that scaffold. I love to be entertained, but it always scares me when he goes to the extreme like that. You have to wonder is that the maneuver that will end Jeff Hardy's career? I'll keep you updated on both men's status as I get word.

Tune in next week same Raw time same Raw channel for the new improved Raw in HD! I'm sure it's going to be one explosive episode!

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